Check this youtube channel to see something really funny. http://www.youtube.com/user/realannoyingorange check this out.

A lovely piggy bank!

Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it! Dispatcher: 911 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police. Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Jonny, and how there is only one pieces there. Can you explain this??? Jonny: It was so dark, Mamma, I didn’t see the other piece.

Lee Sum Wan : Hello ,can I speak to Annie Wan? Mr. Sori : Yes .u could speak to me. Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan! Mr. Sori : You are now talking to someone! Who is this? Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent! Mr. Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital. Mr. Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!!! Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you? Mr. Sori : I'm Sori. Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name! Mr. Sori : I'm Sori!! Lee Sum Wan : I don't like your tone of voice Mr. and I don't care, give me your name! Mr. Sori : Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori!! I'm SORI!!! You didn't even give me your name! Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy!

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began: “My name is Stone, and I’m even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there’ll be trouble. Don’t try any tricks with me, and then we’ll get on well together.” Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked him his name. “Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,” he said, and don’t forget to call me ‘sir’. Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, “When I ask you a question, answer it! I’ll ask you again: What’s your name, soldier?” The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. “My name’s Stone-breaker, sir”, he said nervously.

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, “Did God made you, Grandpa?” “Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me too?” “Yes, He did,” the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. “You know, Grandpa.” She said, “God’s doing a lot better job lately.”

i have owned a subaru impreza sti since 2006 i cant part with it

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying " I'm going to give you a bracelet. " " Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ? " I ask coyly. " No, " he said. " But it cost just as much. "

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?" "We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied. "We just love the chocolate around them."

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order. 'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy. 'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner 'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.. 'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. 'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy. 'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy. 'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,' But why have you only ordered beer all evening?' The third piggy says - 'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

A traffic policeman stops a car and asks to see her drivers' license. 'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.' 'Well, I have contacts.' 'Lady, I don't care who you know, you're still going to get a ticket.'

An English teacher says angrily: "This is the worst I've ever seen composition!" Next to the teacher asked: "What he has written?" English teacher said: "He was the prince and princess story." "Is not that great?" "Do you know how he wrote it? He begins to write," Prince Princess said "Can you speak Chinese?" The Princess said "I can" and then are all written in Chinese it! "

"The" ROFL! [/font]

Doctor says to patient:"I have bad news and really bad news" Patient says:"Whats the really bad news?" Doctor says:"Your going to die in 24 hours" Patient says:"Oh No, well whats the bad news?" Doctor says:"Ive been trying to contact you since yesterday" Lol I love that joke!

Yes, you heard it right! Internet Explorer is actually great! For downloading Firefox. That is also great, for downloading Chrome

A Father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" "I earned it hiking," replied the boy. "Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can makethat sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?" "It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Johnsonfrom the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar billand tell me to take a hike"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?" Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal." The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher. "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye." "Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher. He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"

A mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" they asked him. "It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,"It's what your mom calls your dad." "A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A class member shouted, "'Cause your feet ain't empty."

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get? He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years. His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?" Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."

When the dentist's drilling machine is good.... at job... the patient feels nothing. When the dentist's drilling machine is bad.... at job... the patient feels the pain. When the dentist's drilling machine is good.... at home... the wife feels it. When the dentist's drilling machine is bad.... at home... the wife feels nothing.

The author's most one of the most anticipated recordings of this year the Prime Minister has a sense of humor. "Sometimes I say to my mother: Why did you have to be that cnotką? I could be today, the daughter of Jimi Hendrix - says Katy Perry. Her latest album, entitled Katy Perry's witty "Teenage Dreams," will hit store shelves on 30 August 2010 Singer's mother, Mary Hudson, met briefly with the legendary musician. "I often wonder, what would it be. Life turned out differently, however. My parents for a long time, many indulged in, but then found God, they were pastors and raised me in the spirit of Christian values. It turns out that for me it came dobre "- says the singer.

My frnd made this funny cartoon regarding the latest pakistani floods and the role of the government... Check it out nd i would really appreciate if u could click the digg button. Thanks... Cartoon Here

Intr-o mica ferma, uitata in munti, a fost chemat doctorul ca sa asiste la o nastere. Neavand curent electric, fermierul aprinse un felinar in dreptul patului, unde sotia sa ii darui un fiu. Nu trecu mult timp si aparu si al doilea copilas. Bucurie mare, insa vazand ca apare si al treilea copil, fermierul incepu sa strige: - Doctore, sa stingem felinarul, lumina ii atrage.

Office of a psychiatrist. It opens the door and get a man on all fours, with something in your mouth. Psychiatrist: - Oh! Who came to us? A kitten? The man dragged up in the corner office. Doctor pursues. - A puppy? A man passes by hand along the wall and the other corner country. The doctor did not give up: - Oh! I think it's a hedgehog! No? A turtle? The man pulls out a cable from the mouth and say - Listen, i can still f. .. than let me head or you install Internet?

Two neighbors meet one morning. - What about you, dear, you're sick? - No, why ask? - I saw the doctor this morning coming out of your apartment. - What? Since you have gone three soldiers. I asked myself if war broke out?

in the waiting room at dentist appointment scheduled for the first time I saw the diploma hanging on the wall. Reading the name, I suddenly remembered a dark boy, tall and beautiful with the same name. Colleagues had been high school about 40 years ago and asked if could be the same type that harbored a secret passion. When I entered his office, I have rejected that thought immediately. Features lined Cheliosul was too old to be my secret love ... really? After my teeth looked at my courage and I asked if the school made to St. Sava. - Yes, of course, lady! How did you guess? said, full of pride. - When you graduate, "I asked. - 1959. Why you ask? - Well, you were in my class!, I exclaimed. And then, cheliosul asked me what area do you teach?

- I would like some gulas ... Seller: - Are you Hungarian? That annoyed: - And if he asks is wondering if Neamt strudel, if chicken was asking seshuan wondering if China, or if he asks Italian pizza should have been? - Um, no ... - Then why ask me if you have ordered because I hung gulas? - Because here's the electronics store ...

Un roman calatoreste cu trenul cu un ungur. La un moment dat, ungurul il intreaba pe roman: ce scrie pe geam? El ii raspunde: "nu scoateti capul pe fereastra!" - Si mai jos? - Acelasi lucru dar in franceza. - Mai jos? - In engleza. - Mai jos? - In italiana. - Dar in ungureste nu scrie? - Nu, voi aveti voie.

Bull reading the newspaper exclaimed: - Look what it says here, dear, in Mamaia Fri tourists pay 200,000 lei for one night of love. And I go there. - And I walk with you, says the wife. Are you curious how you deal with 200,000 lei per month

- Children stay with the imagination to see how. Look, I'll wave a white handkerchief. What we suggest ... Smith: - I, teacher I imagine a train, leaving his mother, standing on the platform and waving a white handkerchief. - Okay. And you, Ionescu student? - I complain that my sister is taken to hospital and the window I wave a white handkerchief. - Very good. And you Bull? - I think the p. .. zda. - Fie Asshole. Get out. How can you think of something you wave a white handkerchief. - Well you see teacher to me please me butterflies and a tram that I still think the p. .. zda!

A team of reporters in Dagestan moves to make a report with typical warrior nation. Reporter: - We all know that war has brought only misfortune and tragedy but I think that you have to remember the power of a fortune in your life! - Now I lost some time in the mountain goat. Then we gathered all the villagers in my home, I drank vodka, then I left, I found the goat, I brought it home, I fu ** to by all, then I drank vodka Iara. Reporter: - What disgusting, but still a happy coincidence in your life you can not tell me? - Yes. One day a villager lost his wife in the mountains. We all gathered at home, I drank vodka, then I left, I brought a woman home, I fu ** to all, then I drank vodka Iara. - I see just does not work. Can you tell me a sad coincidence in your life? - One day I got lost in the mountains ...

They say the rabbit sat one evening on the lake and smoke a joint.La a time, thrust her head under water and the frog says -Rabbit, you Marie? ... Yes, too! -Not you, give baths, as you do not know how a smoke! -Teach me you! -Okay ... shoot a smoke, hold it in you, and swim up the other end of the lake and back! Frog pull a smoke and go. On the other side of the lake there is the hippo. -Broasco, you have marijuana on you! Give me, too, as if! ... .. I-I has bunny and gave me and me! Is the other side of the lake! -Get them to go to heaven and me! Get the hippo pool and quickly to catch him something. When you reach the end, stick your head under water, so to speak. In the rabbit screams -Broasco, get it out fast!!

I LOVE THIS SONG made in after effects

i love it very much, i listen every day

the world best metal band,i think.anyone like it?

Yeah, basically, this website will "Unhear" the song stuck in your head, I don't know but this just works. Quote:http://unhearit.com/

Hi Everyone! I am trying to gather the best jazz band/artist. Please help me giving your opinion. Thanks!